Dear Mormon Mission Culture

Dear Mormon Mission Culture,

           I get it, missionaries are great. Most of my friends have joined the ranks of these celebrities at one point in the last two years, and I couldn’t be prouder. They’re doing wonderful things in serving and sharing the gospel, and they are learning and growing and becoming better people and better prepared to be spouses and parents someday. But does celebrating them and all their achievements really have to imply that those of us who chose to serve where we are rather than putting on a tag and leaving are any less good or prepared?

            Two years ago, I decided I wanted to answer the prophet’s call to hasten the work, and go serve a full-time mission, because I wanted to help people and grow and become more prepared to be a wife and mother. That wasn’t the right choice for me, and if the heartbreak of that no wasn’t enough, it was compounded by feeling like I couldn’t measure up to all the missionaries who got a yes and left. But you know what I’ve been doing in those two years? I took out my endowments, and have spent many hours in the temple performing saving ordinances for those on the other side of the veil. I spent three summers at a job where I got to share the gospel with my coworkers every day. I served in the Primary Presidency and as a youth Sunday school teacher in my ward, where I further developed my ability to teach the gospel simply and plainly. I developed my communication skills and practiced charity through dating, roommates, and family. I volunteered at band competitions, girl’s camp, and helped teach dance every week. I spent a few evenings out teaching with the sister mssionaries. I wrote my missionary friends every week and supported them in any way I could. I strengthened bonds with my family. I painted and took voice lessons and dance classes to develop my talents. I went to college and learned and grew immensely from that. And two years and 19 days from my original availability date, I’m getting sealed in the temple for time and all eternity.

            In short, I have grown and done as much good in the last two years as any missionary. I am just as prepared to be a wife and mother. “Staying home” doesn’t mean staying inside and doing nothing with your life. There is plenty of good to be done at home. So when you ask me if/where I served a mission, and I tell you I didn’t, don’t tell me that’s “still good”. If you have to clarify that that’s “still okay” then obviously it’s not. Obviously we have a problem in our culture where missionaries are elevated and the rest of us are looked down on simply because they got a yes and we got a no. I considered the matter, sought out personal revelation, and followed the answer I was given. That’s not “still good”, that IS good. I may never give a farewell or homecoming address. I may not have a tag or a plaque or my name on a map. But I am still a member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints. I am still worthy, I still have desires to make a difference in the world, and I still stand just as tall as any returned missionary.