Equal Rights Begin with Fathers

“The Family: A Proclamation to the World” states that “In these sacred responsibilities [of rearing and caring for children], fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners” (Saints, 1995). Sometimes though, these partnerships don’t seem so equal. Women actually tend to do more work in the home, and their work is often undervalued. Society says that this is the way things should be because women are simply more capable of housework and child-rearing, however, if society can emphasize and celebrate the role of fathers rather than diminish it, an easier and fairer work/family balance for women and a more equal partnership in marriage will naturally follow.

Although women are moving into the work force and taking on more masculine roles, the feminine expectations placed on them with regards to homemaking and child care have not diminished. According to the latest annual report, 57% of all women, and 70% of married women with children under the age of 18 are participating in the labor force (Labor, 2013-2014). Despite over half of the population of women being in the work force, “women are still doing considerably more housework than men. Married women currently perform about two-thirds of all household labor” (chapter 9, p 473). If many women are working and then come home to perform the majority of the housework after their shift ends, this doesn’t seem like what I would call an equal partnership. Another interesting thing the book points out is that “although there have been changes over the past decades with more men taking on household responsibilities and “helping out,” it is important to note how the term helping assumes that it is someone else’s responsibility” (chapter 9, p 476).

The problem is not necessarily that men just don’t want to help with housework and raising children, but that they have been socialized to see it as not their job. One example of how this is reinforced in society is the “incompetent father” or “bumbling dad” stereotype (Reading 69, p 501). In this stereotype, the father may be lovable, but he is not smart or capable of raising children, and in fact his wife ends up parenting him as well as running the whole household. This also feeds into the “superwoman” stereotype discussed in class, where women are expected to do everything, in this case because men are incapable. I strongly believe that this view is wrong, and that if women put down and devalue men, they are really making more work for themselves. Women shouldn’t have to do it all. That is not the point of feminism. The point is to make it equal, and for things to be equal in the home, men need to feel valued and empowered to step up and do their part in homemaking and caring for children.

This idea of liberating men from stereotypes in order to free women from burdens and oppression at home stems from Emma Watson’s speech launching the Heforshe campaign. She says:

“Men […] Gender equality is your issue too. Because to date, I’ve seen my father’s role as a parent being valued less by society despite my needing his presence as a child as much as my mother’s. […]We don’t often talk about men being imprisoned by gender stereotypes but I can see that they are and that when they are free, things will change for women as a natural consequence” (Watson, 2014).

Men are not stepping up and being fathers because society has told them that they can’t and that they’re not needed. This then places the majority of the burden of homemaking and child-rearing on mothers, making it far more difficult for them to choose to have a career if they desire. It is liberating to have a choice in whether to work full time or mother full time or some combination of the two, but that choice is limited when fathers don’t contribute their time and efforts to the household. If women want more help at home from their husbands, society needs to start showing more that this help is needed and appreciated. This help needs to be celebrated so that the stereotype requiring men to be too “macho” to change a diaper or too stupid and out of touch to watch their children will stop preventing them from fulfilling their needed role as fathers. And it needs to stop being seen as “help” but rather simply as their job.

Despite all these challenges, there have been small gains made in overcoming these stereotypes in the media, and if they continue they will begin to translate into gains in liberating women within the home as well. In her talk in the April 2015 General Conference, Linda K. Burton honored the role and the work of fathers and husbands, and pleaded with women to not diminish their efforts in these roles. In July of 2014, Cheerios released a commercial entitled “How to Dad”(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmuqm1d8HAQ) that depicts the role of a father and why it’s so awesome in a humorous and fast-paced way (Stein, 2014). We need more of these positive messages in the media, and we need more encouragement of fathers at home. Young boys need to learn homemaking skills just as much as the girls, because if they are taught from a young age that they are capable and expected to help with housework and children, and if they practice so they really are capable, they will step up and do their part as fathers. And when fathers are more involved in the home, this will give women more freedom to work outside the home if they choose, and to give them the support they need to have a more equal and fair work/family balance.

 If we can erase the “superwoman” and “bumbling dad” stereotypes, then men and women really can have an “equal partnership” in providing for and raising children and caring for their home. If we support and value the role of fathers, then they will not only have more opportunity to share in the joy of parenting, but women will also be more free, equal, and valued as a result.

References

Burton, L. K. (2015). We'll Ascend Together. General Conference. Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints.

Labor, U. S. (2013-2014). Data and Statistics. Retrieved from Women's Bureau: http://www.dol.gov/wb/stats/stats_data.htm#latest

Saints, T. F.-d. (1995). The Family: A Proclamation to the World. The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Shaw, S. M. (2015). Women's Voices Feminist Visions. New York: McGraw-Hill Education.

Stein, J. (Director). (2014). How to Dad [Motion Picture].

Watson, E. (2014). Gender Equality Is Your Issue Too. United Nations Headquarters. New York.

Dear Mormon Mission Culture

Dear Mormon Mission Culture,

           I get it, missionaries are great. Most of my friends have joined the ranks of these celebrities at one point in the last two years, and I couldn’t be prouder. They’re doing wonderful things in serving and sharing the gospel, and they are learning and growing and becoming better people and better prepared to be spouses and parents someday. But does celebrating them and all their achievements really have to imply that those of us who chose to serve where we are rather than putting on a tag and leaving are any less good or prepared?

            Two years ago, I decided I wanted to answer the prophet’s call to hasten the work, and go serve a full-time mission, because I wanted to help people and grow and become more prepared to be a wife and mother. That wasn’t the right choice for me, and if the heartbreak of that no wasn’t enough, it was compounded by feeling like I couldn’t measure up to all the missionaries who got a yes and left. But you know what I’ve been doing in those two years? I took out my endowments, and have spent many hours in the temple performing saving ordinances for those on the other side of the veil. I spent three summers at a job where I got to share the gospel with my coworkers every day. I served in the Primary Presidency and as a youth Sunday school teacher in my ward, where I further developed my ability to teach the gospel simply and plainly. I developed my communication skills and practiced charity through dating, roommates, and family. I volunteered at band competitions, girl’s camp, and helped teach dance every week. I spent a few evenings out teaching with the sister mssionaries. I wrote my missionary friends every week and supported them in any way I could. I strengthened bonds with my family. I painted and took voice lessons and dance classes to develop my talents. I went to college and learned and grew immensely from that. And two years and 19 days from my original availability date, I’m getting sealed in the temple for time and all eternity.

            In short, I have grown and done as much good in the last two years as any missionary. I am just as prepared to be a wife and mother. “Staying home” doesn’t mean staying inside and doing nothing with your life. There is plenty of good to be done at home. So when you ask me if/where I served a mission, and I tell you I didn’t, don’t tell me that’s “still good”. If you have to clarify that that’s “still okay” then obviously it’s not. Obviously we have a problem in our culture where missionaries are elevated and the rest of us are looked down on simply because they got a yes and we got a no. I considered the matter, sought out personal revelation, and followed the answer I was given. That’s not “still good”, that IS good. I may never give a farewell or homecoming address. I may not have a tag or a plaque or my name on a map. But I am still a member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints. I am still worthy, I still have desires to make a difference in the world, and I still stand just as tall as any returned missionary.